Love confession has never been an easy one. It's not like i practice this every single day. In fact, "officially" this is only the 2nd time I did this, and to the same girl after 6/7 years. Funny isn't it? Practically this trip to Malaysia hinges on this moment. Tonight was the moment. I bet she was relieved the moment didn't last long. But it might have left both of us a disturbed and sleepless night. Sorry for that.
I fetched her for a dinner at a Malay seafood stalls by the beach overseeing the Penang Bridge. It was her idea and certainly a novelty to me. It didn't fail to remain me of the beloved malay food in Shah Alam. I could have appreciated it more if tonight wasn't meant for that particular moment. Things were pretty casual as i expected. Well, if that didn't even go well I might as well kill myself. I might have said something wrong which gave her an impression that i am a picky, outspoken, or to a certain extent, an arrogant person. Not good. I am never such a person.
On the way back, sitting in the car, i decided to tell her the whole story. I presented her a gift of a stuffed golden retriever and a perfume. There wasn't any flower. Please tell me if that's a deciding factor so that i can learn my lesson:) Personally i thought the perfume smells funny but hopefully the golden retriever reclaimed it.
I am never a articulate person to start with but gosh it was so much harder than I thought. Tongue-tied. It was pretty messy that I didn't even know how to start. Her female love instinct kicked in right away. Holding the furry dog, she gave me a dumbfounded look which made me even more nervous. She said it was an utter shock for her. I wasn't even sure if it was at least a touching moment. "Too much pressure", "It was too quick" were among the responses I got. NO YES for sure. It wasn't too positive either. As much as my mental preparation all day long for the NO YES situation, it was still quite a pain, a disappoitment feeling that I haven't felt for long time. I am sorry to put you in a very stressful situation but be rest assured you did your revenge:)
I was trying so hard to re-organize my thought and drive at the same time. We were both surrounded by this awkward atmosphere on the way back. Again, I am terribly sorry to put you in such a situation. With me breaking the boundary of friendship, you may never view me as a friend the same way again, a situation which i dread the most. From my standpoint, however, i really think i can't afford to let go this opportunity. It could be a turning point for both of us.
And here goes the Q/A session. You asked me how well I know you, and if I am sure i want to do this given that we really don't know each other too well. Fine. I agreed we don't know each other too well. That's why I am giving us this very opportunity. Lame answer you may dismiss. And YES, i am damn sure I want to do this. Don't ask me the reason, it was kinda a love at first sight believe it or not. Maybe you are right that I am picky. I was so picky that after all these years, i pick you again. This is the best answer I can give you for now. You mentioned you were hurt in your previous relationship, and weren't ready for a new one. I totally understand your situation. Well, I can't guarantee that I am the one for you. No one can indeed. Life is all about taking chance. But all my life when I do things, I always try to make it right the first time. That explains why I was a top scorer academically. Okie, i know I need to behave myself haha. And another of your concern might be the geographical differences. Long-distance relationship was never a great way to start with. Totally agreed. This is definitely the biggest challenge ahead if (a big if here) we go for it. However, at the age of 26, I think I am mature enough to handle this, so do you. Or think about it as the exercise/effort you have to go about before your KK hiking trip. A fruitful one will be a lifetime experience. Again, it was a lame answer lol. But if I didn't stress that enough, be rest assured that I am very determined to come back to Malaysia in 2-year time or so. I can even fly back here every 6 months for that matter.
Dang, that was a long-winded Q/A. Your ex-s may have told you the same thing, and you were still hurt. You may not have any confidence in my words because I appear to be an outspoken/arrogant/flirt-able person. I may not be handsome enough wtf. Whatever reasons aforementioned, I just need a chance to prove all these. May I?
With the NO YES situation, I am still pretty much clueless about what you think. It's really hard to fathom a girl's thought, appropriately described as the needle under the ocean. The fact that I am a newbie in this matter doesn't help at all. You could be the one to educate me and perhaps I am a quick learner:) Last but not least, I am very sorry to put you in this situation. Please don't freak out. It's alright to tell me if I don't deserve a chance. While our friendship may turn sour, it's not like we haven't experienced it before right? See we are talking again after all these years.
I fetched her for a dinner at a Malay seafood stalls by the beach overseeing the Penang Bridge. It was her idea and certainly a novelty to me. It didn't fail to remain me of the beloved malay food in Shah Alam. I could have appreciated it more if tonight wasn't meant for that particular moment. Things were pretty casual as i expected. Well, if that didn't even go well I might as well kill myself. I might have said something wrong which gave her an impression that i am a picky, outspoken, or to a certain extent, an arrogant person. Not good. I am never such a person.
On the way back, sitting in the car, i decided to tell her the whole story. I presented her a gift of a stuffed golden retriever and a perfume. There wasn't any flower. Please tell me if that's a deciding factor so that i can learn my lesson:) Personally i thought the perfume smells funny but hopefully the golden retriever reclaimed it.
I am never a articulate person to start with but gosh it was so much harder than I thought. Tongue-tied. It was pretty messy that I didn't even know how to start. Her female love instinct kicked in right away. Holding the furry dog, she gave me a dumbfounded look which made me even more nervous. She said it was an utter shock for her. I wasn't even sure if it was at least a touching moment. "Too much pressure", "It was too quick" were among the responses I got. NO YES for sure. It wasn't too positive either. As much as my mental preparation all day long for the NO YES situation, it was still quite a pain, a disappoitment feeling that I haven't felt for long time. I am sorry to put you in a very stressful situation but be rest assured you did your revenge:)
I was trying so hard to re-organize my thought and drive at the same time. We were both surrounded by this awkward atmosphere on the way back. Again, I am terribly sorry to put you in such a situation. With me breaking the boundary of friendship, you may never view me as a friend the same way again, a situation which i dread the most. From my standpoint, however, i really think i can't afford to let go this opportunity. It could be a turning point for both of us.
And here goes the Q/A session. You asked me how well I know you, and if I am sure i want to do this given that we really don't know each other too well. Fine. I agreed we don't know each other too well. That's why I am giving us this very opportunity. Lame answer you may dismiss. And YES, i am damn sure I want to do this. Don't ask me the reason, it was kinda a love at first sight believe it or not. Maybe you are right that I am picky. I was so picky that after all these years, i pick you again. This is the best answer I can give you for now. You mentioned you were hurt in your previous relationship, and weren't ready for a new one. I totally understand your situation. Well, I can't guarantee that I am the one for you. No one can indeed. Life is all about taking chance. But all my life when I do things, I always try to make it right the first time. That explains why I was a top scorer academically. Okie, i know I need to behave myself haha. And another of your concern might be the geographical differences. Long-distance relationship was never a great way to start with. Totally agreed. This is definitely the biggest challenge ahead if (a big if here) we go for it. However, at the age of 26, I think I am mature enough to handle this, so do you. Or think about it as the exercise/effort you have to go about before your KK hiking trip. A fruitful one will be a lifetime experience. Again, it was a lame answer lol. But if I didn't stress that enough, be rest assured that I am very determined to come back to Malaysia in 2-year time or so. I can even fly back here every 6 months for that matter.
Dang, that was a long-winded Q/A. Your ex-s may have told you the same thing, and you were still hurt. You may not have any confidence in my words because I appear to be an outspoken/arrogant/flirt-able person. I may not be handsome enough wtf. Whatever reasons aforementioned, I just need a chance to prove all these. May I?
With the NO YES situation, I am still pretty much clueless about what you think. It's really hard to fathom a girl's thought, appropriately described as the needle under the ocean. The fact that I am a newbie in this matter doesn't help at all. You could be the one to educate me and perhaps I am a quick learner:) Last but not least, I am very sorry to put you in this situation. Please don't freak out. It's alright to tell me if I don't deserve a chance. While our friendship may turn sour, it's not like we haven't experienced it before right? See we are talking again after all these years.
i can't help but this song stuck in my head all night long
posted by ongngg at 9:44 AM
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